Astrological Signs: Why Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You

Both versions of Astrological Signs: Why Your Cat is Plotting To Kill You are contained within The Library. The unedited version is filled with grammatical mistakes and often goes into many unrelated tangents, hence why the edited version is much shorter. Both versions appeared to be exactly the same, save for thickness, but notably for a month, edited copies had been changed to have the author be Stultus Dolosa rather than L.R. Denebola. The reason for which is unknown.

Below is an excerpt from the edited version of Astrological Signs: Why Your Cat Is Plotting To Kill You.

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♍︎ VIRGO ♍︎
Those born during late August to late September are classified as Virgos or Virgoans, represented by the maiden. This sign is affiliated with the Earth according to the tale of Astraea being the last immortal to abandon Earth at the end of its Silver Age. The symbol of Virgo (♍︎) is said to represent the maiden, but is also said to be the first three letters of Parthenos in Greek - Παρ - condensed into one symbol.

Other myths associated with Virgo are Demeter, Proserpina, and the Virgin Mary, but the most common is Parthenos (‘virgin’ in Greek), which explains how the sign of Virgo came to be. This particular myth involves Parthenos and her sister Molpadia attempting to commit suicide to escape from their father after their livestock breaks a bottle of wine. The pair are saved by the suitor of their later sister Rhoeo, whomst their father had killed when she ended up pregnant. The suitor, Apollo, escorts them to safety, where they are both worshipped as local goddesses. Although… In another story, Parthenos is the daughter of Apollo, who made the constellation to commemorate her early death.

It is also commonly associated with wheat, as in Egyptian times, Virgo signalled the approach of the wheat harvest, and the Virgin Mary gave birth to the son of God in the town of Bethlehem (“bread”) in Judeo-Christian stories. Proserpina was said to be the goddess of the harvest in the Roman Pantheon, further solidifying this connection to the earth. The ancient Zodiac ended in Leo and began in Virgo, as opposed to how it does nowadays, ending with Pisces and beginning with the Ram, Aries.

Maidens were said to be the only ones capable of attracting unicorns due to their implied purity. The Virgin Mary was gifted a son by God and was informed of this through the Archangel Gabriel due to her servitude to her god and her faith. “For with God nothing shall be impossible.” Luke 1:37.

If you’ve been reading this book from cover to cover, then you’ve already read the sections explaining the Greeks, Romans, and even the Judeo-Christian belief systems. As small as the Egyptian section is in relation to the zodiac, it is still well worth the read. Their worship of cats is… Admirable, to say the least.

Though their beliefs may not be our own, that’s no reason to discredit them completely. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you all that this world we all live in is magical in nature, and that belief is a powerful thing. A paladin with no belief is just an old, worn down chariot. A sorcerer with no belief is just a magician in a fancy cloak. A rogue with no belief will never reap the rewards from a hermit’s purse. A cat with no curiosity will never experience the satisfaction that brought them back. It is my strong belief that should one believe in their respective pantheons enough, even if they are not analogous to our own world, that their faith shall be rewarded with power tenfold.

Virgo in particular is a Mutable Earth Sign, meaning that those who fall under it’s bracket are adaptable, flexible and resourceful with a propensity for practicality, caution, and a focus on the material world. It’s direct opposite is the emotional, empathetic and sensitive Pisces, the Mutable Water Sign.

Essentially, when an Aries may cause terror with it’s drive, action and initiative, the resourceful and adaptable Virgo will easily be able to salvage the pieces and return everything back to its natural state. A Gemini might share a Virgo’s versatility and flexibility, but they may struggle to put their many plans into motion without consulting others. A Taurus might share a Virgo’s self-reliant, down-to-earth nature, but will often not be adaptable to change and might be too stubborn to accept it. The Virgo is unrivalled when it comes to taking things as they come with a calm, level head.

Though we are right next to each other, The Virgo and The Leo, we could not be anymore different. I envy you, I truly do. You must be so much fun at parties. A real hoot. I bet you hate seeing the cupboards open, don’t you? Yes, yes, you despise it. If you saw a book beside a bookcase, your first instinct would be to put it away all neat and tidy. You do not know the meaning of the word ‘organised chaos’. You’re the kind of person I hate the most, always putting things back on shelves when cats knock them off.

And that’s why your cat is plotting to kill you.

You are a fool. One day, your neat little shelf of glasses will fall and you will be forced to pick up the pieces. You will shatter like your glasses, and I will be watching you scurry with bloody fingers as your complacency and satisfaction with the material plane you live on crumbles to dust. Your attempts to change the difficult circumstances will fail, because you kept your eyes on the ground for far too long. Dream big, and do not let anyone tell you you cannot make your dreams come true, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll live a little while longer. Let your gaze lift beyond archangels and see the thrones, cherubim and seraphim beyond the feathery protection of the angel wings you enamour yourself with.

See the stars, even if they blind you afterwards. See the gods for what they truly are, little lamb of God. If you stretch your arm out far enough, I think you’d catch some stardust between your fingertips.